I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
