Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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