My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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