so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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