Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
