i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
