Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
