He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
