so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
