dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
