Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
