My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
