My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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