Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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