I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
