Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
