At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
