Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
