Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
