Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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