i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We were destined to go to rehab together
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
