he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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