Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
