The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
