We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sorry my hands just texted you
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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