I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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