just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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