he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
