i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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