things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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