The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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