On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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