i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
