Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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