We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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