FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Vodka?
Forever.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
