K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I look better un-naked...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
