just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Sorry about my life...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
