didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
