also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
that's an acceptable place to lick
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
