Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think I died a long time ago.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
