If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
