WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
