I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
