Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
