Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
