The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
