YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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