Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
