Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
