And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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