quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
