Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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