no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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