On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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