It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
